Tag: marriage

Blaming can be such a satisfying game, at least for a while:

"It's not my fault we argue about money—he’s always spending it!" "It's not my fault I can't get a better job—the economy's rotten." "It's not my fault I zoned out on our weekend plans—I have too much to do at work." Sound familiar?

Certainly, in the moment, it feels good to put the burden of our failure on somebody else's shoulder, but it doesn't last. Griping never really makes anybody feel good, in the sense of making you feel joyous and happy. It just temporarily numbs out the pain of failure.

Some couples seem to have no trouble saying exactly what's on their minds. They are able to express their hurt feelings or anger directly and confront their spouses easily and comfortably.

But for many of us, expressing hurt or angry feelings or saying something you think might hurt or anger your mate is very difficult. You fear your partner's reaction and you're afraid of either hurting their feelings or making them angry.

We know, you've recently filed your taxes and you either just paid money to Uncle Sam or you collected it. Not to mention that the rebate checks are starting to roll in. But if you're new to this marriage thing, the tax rules are different than when you were single. With the economy slumping, it's more important than ever to pay attention to your money.

Since 2003 when it was first introduced, the marriage tax penalty has evolved into more of a tax planning consideration than a surprise liability. To understand the concept you need to have a basic understanding of how tax rates work. I have always used the analogy of "walking up a staircase" when describing the progressive nature of tax rates.

My husband always makes me think I am stupid. He has broken my self-confidence and my self-respect. He fights with me in front of his parents and makes me feel like a total idiot. He says that he loves me more than anything, so why is he doing all this to me? I am looking for away out of our marriage but he won't let me. What should I do?

I’m really glad that you wrote in about this matter. You are smart to realize that it is a situation that needs attention and by my addressing it with you, I will hopefully be helping many other women in the same scenario.

Every couple wants to have a perfect vacation, and sadly, it does not always meet our expectations. To prevent disappointment, it pays to make plans carefully, and this takes time and honest communication between partners. First of all, determine what kind of vacation you want. Each of you should be very open about your preferences. It helps to write down all the pros and cons for your choices, and please remember to be practical. Consider all of the aspects you can both think of in planning this special time.

It is very important to listen to your partner and share the kind of vacation you each want. This requires patience and understanding, as well as a willingness to give a little. Once, I was on a trip and witnessed a marriage dissolve before my eyes because travel conditions in a third world country put so much pressure on each person—the experience destroyed the relationship.

Everybody has fantasies they don’t share with others. They can be fantasies of striking it rich or fantasies of becoming so successful in your chosen career path that your colleagues fall into a hushed, respectful silence whenever you enter the room.

And then there are sex fantasies, which can be a grating source of tension in a marriage, and which are as often as deliberately hushed-up as opinions about in-laws or weight gain.

We are each motivated by the dreams that we hold most sacred and most dear. Whether we acknowledge them or not, our dreams and aspirations are vital linchpins for the stories of our lives. We tell these stories to the ones we love, hoping not only for the understanding, but for the approval that will help us move toward our goals together.

Dreams can be as simple as raising and providing for a family or as complicated as building a boat from scrap lumber to sail the seven seas. The dreams of the ones we love may be explicit and something everyone knows or they may be hidden and secret—something that a loved one will never talk about and keeps secret.