Tag: parent

Today 5.7 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s and related dementias, diseases that are blind to gender, ethnicity, political party and faith. By 2050 the number of those "living with" is projected to rise to nearly 14 million. Standing alongside those living with these brain diseases are millions of family and friends affected as well.

I think about the arc of my mother’s life as college sorority sister; to wife, mother and career; then my father’s passing; through the whimsical and friendly hallucinations she initially experienced; to the terrifying delusions that caused despair and injury; then the decline of advanced dementia and death.

You’ve been successful managing most aspects of your complicated life and are proud of the relationships you’ve nurtured and maintained through it all. Whether you’re a baby boomer, a millennial or somewhere in between, research tells us that your odds of becoming a caregiver to a loved one through illness or age are quite high.

Much has been written about whether taking on a caregiving role strengthens or shatters the relationship you share with your significant other. I think the unfulfilling answer is, it depends.

Alzheimer’s disease is now the sixth leading cause of death in the United States. Behind this statistic are 16 million Americans providing unpaid care to a loved one with Alzheimer’s or related dementias. The face of caregiving today is a family member or friend doing their best to survive the role of care partner.

Are you one of them?

Thinking about the dementia journey my mother and I shared over 18 years; waves of powerlessness, loneliness and guilt always come first. They are the emotions I often felt as an uneducated caregiver. Trying to remember the good, my mind usually finds its way to the pain of my shortcomings.

“Julia is so sensitive I can’t say anything to her without it causing a big blow-up!” exclaimed Julia’s mom. “How am I supposed to raise this kid when I can’t even talk to her?!”

Julia’s mother had a good point. She needed to be able to "parent" her daughter without worrying what the fallout would be. But Julia was typical of many teenagers who feel entitled to impose their moods or frustrations on others simply because they feel, well, moody or frustrated. Shrewd and savvy, these teenagers have learned to exploit their parents’ wishes to avoid a bigger, louder and messier argument.

In the mad rush of jobs, school work, social obligations, and sports teams, quality time as a family seems harder to come by than ever before. If I want more time to just be "mom" and enjoy my kids, I need to put as much planning into it as I do every other area of our lives.

Here are some of my favorite ways to create space to simply enjoy each other and strengthen our bonds as a family unit—and summer is a great time to implement new routines and rituals without the pressure of school and strict schedules.

As a parent, you never want to see your child in emotional pain. When you do, you often have a natural instinct to want to do everything in your power to take away their pain. Sometimes, you cannot automatically "fix" your child's situation as quickly as you would like to. Your child has to go through their own healing process to find success on the other side.

There is, however, something very powerful that every parent can do when their child is experiencing emotional pain and that is hope and empathetic understanding.

These days, it seems most parents shy away from their main role, which is… well, to parent. It is invaluable to the child to know that you are in control, you are the leader, and you set the boundaries. Of course, there is a fine line and this does not have to come with corporal punishment or any of the other fear-based tactics used in history, but it does mean you need to step into your authority.

There are four main roles or positions that can sneak up on us if we are not careful, that we can put or allow our children to take on.