Tag: parent

Parenting is a tough gig. It can seem that the more we learn, the more we realize two things:

1. We don’t seem to know a flippin’ thing – for "sure."

2. Not being "sure," is much less stressful than having the answers.

When we are just starting out, we pretend we know a lot. We "act as if" we have the answers and often guess right. When we are not right, we may panic, berate ourselves and apologize. We are embarrassed and cover up. We vow to try harder—to know more—and to have all the answers.

As parents we must teach our children the realities of life. Life hurts us, people hurt us, we hurt other people and we hurt ourselves. That is what relationships and life are about. The sooner we let our children in on this secret the healthier their life-approach will be. Forgiveness is many things, but we also must teach that forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. It is not about condoning harms, which have been done. Forgiveness is about taking power back.

Self-awareness is a key predictor of a child’s ability to be balanced and secure in life. Being self-aware helps kids establish positive peer relationships, allows them to get along well at home and to respect authority. Self-awareness is at the core of emotional intelligence and is crucial in your children reaching their academic and personal goals all throughout life.

Here are 7 ways to parent self-awareness in your children:

When most parents think about their role in educating their children about sex, they get stuck on "the talk," i.e. the birds and the bees' discussion that is all about mechanics. And this makes even the most hip parent a bit queasy.

Parents today have been inundated with scary stories about teen pregnancy, STD’s, AIDS, and early dalliances with oral sex. Or perhaps worse yet, your own stories from your teen years come back to our consciousness, and we don’t want our kids to suffer through our mistakes or rock with our wild times. So what’s a parent to do?

Pity the parent of an undisciplined child. Their life is chaos. They never know when the eruptions come: in the middle of a grocery store because their child wants a toy; in the middle of a furniture store because their child is bored and starts jumping on sofas to the consternation of the sales staff; in the middle of a neighborhood party when their child starts screaming over a toy and can’t play with it.

Obviously the list goes on… and on. All the way to high school when you’re sitting in the principal’s office after your teen has been caught cheating on tests, copying homework and skipping school. And you think, for about 18 years friends and family have all been wondering, "What kind of child are you raising? And what kind of parent are you?"

There is something about the word "needy," a desperate quality that we shy away from.

Unfortunately, that desperate quality also gets attached to the word "need," so when you have a need you’d like from your spouse like, "I need more loving," it’s tempting to think; "I’m being too clingy, I shouldn’t need so much from him/her, I should be happy with what I’ve got."

More often than not, when we find ourselves thinking "I need more affection;" "I need you to be more supportive;" "I need you to be more considerate," we discount that need and push it aside while we wonder why we feel so unfulfilled.

I’d like to be able to tell you that teens don’t use drugs. Unfortunately, that’s not true. I wish I could assure you that tweens—kids ages 9 to 12—wouldn’t think of using drugs. But I’d be lying.

In my practice, I see tweens every day who are experimenting with alcohol and drugs, always without their parents’ knowledge. It’s not uncommon for tweens to first try drugs in middle school. Even if they don’t become hardcore users, just this short exposure can have dire consequences for the rest of your child’s life.