Tag: qualities

The argument has reached its boiling point. It’s degenerated into an outright fight, and here you both are launching, "this is just like that time you" grenades at each other—the original reason for the argument is hardly relevant at this point. It’s "gotcha" time, and knowing each other as well as you do, you’re hitting those "gotcha" buttons with unerring, hurtful precision.

No surprise that nothing gets resolved. Bad feelings abound. Another layer of resentment is built up between the two of you. Your closeness erodes.

If your marriage feels stuck or out-of-whack, maybe it’s time to take a step back to consider what you’re willing to give to—and what you want to get from—your relationship. Relationships tend to thrive when partners have similar needs and desires. Yet we sometimes don’t take the time to ponder the qualities we need to feel in sync with our partner. By taking an honest look at the key traits that are deal breakers for you—what I have come to term "essential qualities" such as honesty, respect, and kindness—you’ll get straight to the heart of your relationship issues.

When you’re in a committed relationship, "all the little things” can take on a larger significance—the good and the bad. For example, little annoyances can seem like a bigger deal (or deal breaker!) when you experience them day in and day out. On the other hand, small sweet gestures like flowers or a handwritten love note can really warm our hearts.

In my marriage counseling practice, I’ve seen a myriad of presenting issues and relationship styles. A common thread running through many of these couples is a sincere desire for change leading to a more secure, fulfilling and loving relationship. The problems include such things as poor communication, a build-up of resentment, trust violations due to infidelity, dissatisfaction with roles, changes in expectations, relationship imbalances and more.