Tag: sexuality

"The secret to happiness is freedom… And the secret to freedom is courage." ~Thucydides

Fear is the driver for many people’s sexual and erotic lives. One of Freud’s students, Otto Rank, was quoted as saying, "People vacillate between the fear of living and the fear of dying."

In some ways, our fears about our sexuality encompass both. We are equally terrified of what might happen if we gave into our erotic fantasy life and that we might never experience the pleasure we know that we hold in us.

"Just because we don’t understand doesn’t mean that the explanation doesn’t exist." ~ Madeleine L’engle

My favorite thing to do is teach, and last weekend I was lucky to have the chance to give a presentation to 50 physicians about working with their patients’ sexual dysfunction issues.

I thought it would be easy—like falling off a log as I spend so much of my days thinking, researching and talking about ways to become more sexually healthy—but, in fact, I was surprised how much I still had to learn as I was obliged to organize my rambling knowledge into a cohesive 90 minute talk.

"Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them." ~ Unknown

There might not be two words that are better matched side by side than gratitude and sex. What moment more fully embodies gratitude than the deep and powerful pleasure of two bodies entwined in lovemaking?

"His expression pulls at that dark part of me, buried in the depths of my belly—my libido, woken and tamed by him, but even now, insatiable." ~E.L. James

The story that has shifted the mainstream consciousness of sexuality is about a young beautiful virgin, who doesn’t recognize her own beauty and a deeply troubled young man, that channels his childhood pain and extreme wealth into a fringe sexual lifestyle that verges on violence.

So much is written about sex and how we can make it more pleasurable or more meaningful in our relationships. As can be expected, we tend to focus on the techniques and trinkets we can use to spice things up in the bedroom. From sex toys, to lingerie, to romantic settings and date nights, there seems to be no shortage of ideas on how we can keep the passion alive. For many who struggle with their sex lives in marriage, sometimes there are, however, deeper issues to confront—issues that a few gadgets or tricks can’t easily solve. This brings us to the issue of understanding our sexual map and how, throughout our lives, it works to shape our interaction with sex and our sexuality.

As an expert on sex and an author on the subject, I think I’m fairly well poised to understand our preoccupation with the orgasm. As it turns out, the sexual climax: its quality, intensity, longevity, ability to be experienced multiple times is pretty much standard fare in magazines, blogs and books that discuss sexuality. And perhaps it should be. Who wants to go on a journey without the hope of reaching the end? Who wants to watch an exciting movie or read a thrilling novel without enjoying its earth-shattering highpoint? It’s just how we humans are wired; the end seems even more important than the journey.

Most of us know instinctively that a relationship, like marriage, should be characterized by such values as honesty, trust, loyalty and selflessness. These are expected and come with the marital territory. Yet many within the context of marriage have experienced broken vows, disloyalty and disappointment. Of course, there are a slew of reasons as to why these instances occur and these are individual enough to fill an entire book on the topic. Chief among these reasons, however, is the issue of a lack of sexual integrity. The following fictitious scenarios are written to assist us in wrapping our minds around this concept of sexual integrity and how it should empower our relationships.