Tag: teaching

Right after our son’s second birthday, my husband raised his voice to me, and our son, Garrett, walked into the room, planted himself firmly in front of his father and said in the sternest voice he could muster, “No Dada. Stop it. You no yell at Mommy!” while holding up his hand in a ‘stop sign’ fashion. Our jaws dropped. “I am stopping it Garrett,” was all my husband could stutter. I was speechless. While all relationships are mirrors for our inner discord, our unhealed wounds, none are more so than the relationships we have with our children. Our children are our greatest teachers; and they have the power to transform us into our most awakened selves if we let them.

The guiding rule of action should be to intervene too early rather than too late. ~ Dan Olweus, PhD, and founder of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program

Although bullying prevention efforts tend to focus on middle schools and high schools, bullying behavior begins at much younger ages.  According to researchers and developers of the Eyes on Bullying Program, Dr. Ronald G. Slaby and Dr. Kim Storey, it starts as early as 4-years old:

When my kids were younger, (ages 5 and 3) they asked me if we could host a lemonade stand in our neighborhood during their summer break. I thought it would be a great opportunity to teach them a lesson in basic economics. Testing a bit of supply and demand theory, we tried a few lemonade stands first, getting a feel for pricing and purchasing.  Our sale was a grand success and the kids brought in $33 in gross profit. Having determined in advance that we would give a portion of our profits to charity, I found that our little economic lesson also allowed me to teach my children the basics about philanthropy.

Children can be reflective of you, but they are not you. Their choices will be different from those you would make, as it should be. The paths they are destined to walk are different from your own. As parents, we may instinctively want to shield them from making the mistakes we made. However, we might discover that in our attempts to do so, sometimes our children overreact to that guidance (no matter how well intentioned it may be) and end up doing something worse.

I hang out in schools every day. I hang out in public schools, private schools, child care centers and preschools every… single… day. One of my biggest concerns is the lack of genuine encounter between adults and children. I hear robotic language. I hear slow, labored speech as if to say you just don’t get it. I hear fake, soupy language. I hear humor, but it is sarcastic humor, which is hard for children to understand so it looks mean. Then sometimes I hear genuine, joyful language among adults because trust is at the forefront of the thought. They have put other’s thoughts and feeling before their own.

As parents, you and your spouse must realize the power you have in the eyes of your children. It is ever so important that each of you realize that your kids do not know the history of success or pain you and your spouse have experienced over the course of your life and marriage. Your children love the two of you in all of your humanness, and it is up to you to help them feel empowered and to help them realize risks. You should encourage them to pursue the experiences and adventures they feel are worth taking when looking at the options and safety considerations, while being willing to pick up the pieces when they fall.