Many couples deeply in love eagerly begin a life together and one day it all seems to be a ridiculous ruse. It’s not just the big crisis that can tear love apart… it’s the little things. Words are as deadly to an individual’s wellbeing as a gunshot through the heart. Those who share the most intimate moments have the most power to turn one inside out and destroy. Words are the weapons most used to separate another from love’s power. The insidious war is waged with subtle remarks that cut deeply yet keep the opponent in the dark. Here are a few of the phrases that invalidate a partner in a relationship and need to be conscious of.
“You’ll never be satisfied.” The true message of this statement is that you shouldn’t ask for what you want. You need to put up and shut up and be lucky for what you have.
Effect: Low self-worth, personal doubts, and reluctance to speak up.
“It’s the same story every day.”
The receiver of this comment hears two things: firstly, my partner doesn’t want to listen to me; and secondly, I’m unable to make positive changes.
Effect: Anger towards partner, and loss of courage to share; as well as creating a person who is now wondering if they are capable of making change happen in their lives.
“You’re lucky you have me.” Bluntly stated, the undertones and implications of this remark are, “If it wasn’t for me sticking around your lame self, you’d have no one. No one wants you.”
Effect: Tearing someone down so they can be controlled and are afraid to leave. This is a brutal assault to someone’s psyche.
“It’s a little late to start now.”
A partner that spouts off this type of phrase limits the capacity of another’s growth, diminishing their passions, and the support needed to go after their dreams.
Effect: Loss of joy, person growth, and individuation.
“You’ll never understand.” The significant other hears, “You don’t get me. I’m tired of talking about this with you.”
Effect: Shut down of communication encouraging isolation rather than unison. The breakdown of rapport is a major indicator of a future breakup.
“You always do the same thing.” Your future ex is sick of hearing you and finds your repetitiveness in your behaviors mundane and irrelevant.
Effect: Lack of self confidence and loneliness in the relationship.
We need to understand that words are powerful. They can uplift and inspire others to greatness or obliterate them from their deepest selves leaving them feel worthless.
April Kirkwood
April Kirkwood is a therapist, author, and speaker. Her primary goal is to assist others discover early childhood trauma and the effects it has on their adult romantic relationships. Her methodology unites the trinity of mind, soul, and body unification techniques. Her book, "Working my Way Back to Me" is a graphic memoir of a multi-generational dysfunctional family filled with intensely strong and crazy women that battle addiction, abuse, and adultery. The story demonstrates women’s universal internal pain and their futile attempts to find peace in a society that condemns their passions.
