Dispute

One of the facts that couples have to expect in their relationship is that there is going to be conflict. But this is probably something that does not have to be told to any partnership this year, or every four years, as our country engages in a presidential election. Obviously, if you are both on the same side of the political arena, it will make life a lot easier.

There are few topics that can create such an impassioned discussion as politics and religion. Often, when out with friends, if these topics come up people will agree to disagree. Certainly, this option is available to you, as a couple as well.

Sounds crazy, but it’s true! Simply put, the first argument you have with your partner, if left unresolved, will manifest itself time and time again—in different forms—throughout your entire relationship.

When we fall in love and begin a partnership, we temporarily maintain our best behavior and avoid making waves. As we become more comfortable in the relationship and issues arise that are important to us, we argue our point, thus experiencing our first argument or major disappointment.

My husband forgets everything. Now he forgot our twentieth anniversary that I had reminded him of two weeks ago, and yet he remembered his mother's birthday yesterday. I feel that he is cheating on me and this is one of the symptoms. Am I right?

Thanks for writing in—the situation you pose is certainly an interesting one. I know how hurtful it must feel to have your husband forget to acknowledge the important dates in your life. Speaking stereotypically, I have found that women tend to be better at remembering to send cards and noting celebrations than men are.

Blaming can be such a satisfying game, at least for a while:

"It's not my fault we argue about money—he’s always spending it!" "It's not my fault I can't get a better job—the economy's rotten." "It's not my fault I zoned out on our weekend plans—I have too much to do at work." Sound familiar?

Certainly, in the moment, it feels good to put the burden of our failure on somebody else's shoulder, but it doesn't last. Griping never really makes anybody feel good, in the sense of making you feel joyous and happy. It just temporarily numbs out the pain of failure.

Whenever we entertain, I end up doing a lot of the work to get the house ready. My husband says he'll help, but I have to tell him everything that has to be done and then, when I come and check it out, he never gets it right. So, I end up feeling disrespected and like a maid—not to mention, tired!

No doubt there are lots of women readers cheering you on for bringing up this subject. I am sorry that you end up with feelings like this, but am glad you’ve brought it up because it raises so many different points.