Insight

I love dining out at restaurants. There's something about the scents, colors and textures of a carefully prepared plate, which whets my appetite—and, of course, there's the company that just seals the night. I like to think of sex like this; as an entirely diverse sensory experience, which, if handled well, can literally and figuratively whet our appetites for more.

In spite of the potential sizzle that sex represents, all of us who've been married for some time, have experienced hum-drum sex. We've been in the doldrums at one time or another and may have virtually yawned our way through a sexual encounter or two.

How can couple’s protect themselves from affairs? What are the signs that someone could stray? Explanations range from a lack of moral character ("a jerk") to the biological (men are just built to spread their seed). But these conclusions are too easy, too knee jerk, especially when one factors in the more complex emotional and psychological layers—layers that can’t be quantified as "fixed," like the biological (which, if it were inviolate would mean that all men cheat and can’t help themselves).

"Love is the affinity which links and draws together the elements of the world… Love, in fact, is the agent of universal synthesis." ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

We live in conscious universe.

I spent the weekend immersed in "The Science and Non-Duality Conference," exploring the depths of the ultimate truths of existence.

It was quite heady and surprisingly reassuring. The conference featured several panels of world-renowned quantum physicists sharing PowerPoints of the immensity of the universe in which our visible universe that goes on for 100 million light years makes up less than 2 percent of the whole.

"His expression pulls at that dark part of me, buried in the depths of my belly—my libido, woken and tamed by him, but even now, insatiable." ~E.L. James

The story that has shifted the mainstream consciousness of sexuality is about a young beautiful virgin, who doesn’t recognize her own beauty and a deeply troubled young man, that channels his childhood pain and extreme wealth into a fringe sexual lifestyle that verges on violence.

"All it takes to feel loved is to love. We always have the power to feel love. As soon as we stop loving we often don’t feel loved anymore." ~Betty Peralta

  For all the years that I have thought and written about love, it is remarkable to me that I only just recently learned how my own thinking has prevented me from seeing the love in my own life for decades.

We all create a storyline that our life mirrors and although it is hard to tell whether the events and circumstances of our life create the story or whether the story attracts the events, the story line becomes so deeply ingrained in our personal history that we often don’t witness its operation.

Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures. ~Voltaire

The experience of pleasure is how we say "yes" to life, and allowing ourselves the gratification of our senses is how we embody the joys of life—think mouthwatering flavors, the first scent of summer evenings, the soft cheeks of a sleeping baby, the refrain of a beloved tune. Our human capacity to sense the world brings life into sharp focus and lessens the distraction that often skews relationship in time and place. Opening to pleasure can be as simple as focusing our attention on what we are sensing in the present moment.

One of the best aspects of planning sex is the element of anticipation. Try sending text messages ("I can’t wait for our date tonight!" or something more suggestive) or planning the evening so that it can include an elegant meal and a bubble bath.

Scheduled time for lovemaking helps women to clear the decks of other concerns and to bring their focus to romance. Sex on a schedule helps men who take drugs for erectile dysfunction (ED) to plan the use of their medication.