The Sexpert

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.

I recently started taking an antidepressant and lost my sex drive. What can I do?

Take heart that you’re not alone. Research suggests that 37 percent of people who take antidepressants experience everything from decreased libido to increased time reaching orgasm.

Let's get the big question out of the way—it's normal to develop a crush on someone other than your spouse. Unless you decide to live as a monk with absolutely no human contact it’s inevitable you will periodically meet someone who shares an attraction. You may think you’re the worst person in the world, but in truth you’re simply human. Chemistry is uncontrollable and a natural phenomenon.

As my deeply-in-love parents told me growing up, "We’re married, not dead." Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly stop noticing people. Crushes on bosses, co-workers, cute coffee shop attendees, waitresses, neighbors and anyone else you come into contact with on a regular basis is bound to happen…and that’s okay.

The second you hang your shingle as a sexuality resource, the questions start coming. Just ask anybody who sells sex toys, makes condoms or lubricants, writes a sex blog or book, offers sex therapy, hosts a radio show on relationships… and they’ll tell you the questions won’t quit. In my 15+ years of experience as a sexuality educator, I’ve fielded a ton of questions from passengers on planes and trains, websites I’m an affiliated with, publications I write for, and students during class and office hours.

You’ve done the deed and cheated on your spouse. Now in the aftermath you aren’t sure what to do. Some people feel telling a spouse about an affair is an absolute must. Others feel that under certain circumstances it is best to put the episode behind you and try to heal the marriage. Who is right? Or is there a right answer?

This question all started when my husband I and were listening an interviewee talking about why he felt cheating was healthy for a relationship. Both of us have had ex-partners who’ve cheated on us and my husband first said, "It’s just better not to tell." I was like, "WTF? Of course you have to tell. You’ve done the deed and you need to come clean."

A lack of sexual desire—the thoughts you have around sex—is the number one reason couples in North America stop having sex.

What that means for you is: if you have negative thoughts towards sex before, during and after the sexual encounter, it will profoundly dampen your desire to have sex.

To get back your sexual desire, you need to start having positive thoughts towards sex. Think about something that is an indulgence—a bath, a professional massage, reading a book uninterrupted for an hour. You look forward to these times because it’s all about you as it is a nurturing space.

"As with anything in life knowledge equals power! The more you know about the way your body works plus what gives you pleasure and brings you to climax, the more you can help your partner discover how to satisfy you." So says Pam Spurr, PhD. author of "Sex Academy: Essential Lessons in Seduction and Spectacular Sex," and adds, "And having knowledge is a two-way street because it means you have a good idea how to go about discovering what 'does it' for them."

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Trina Read, is ready to answer your questions.

It’s bikini season and I’m really self-conscious about my body. What can I do to start liking my body?

It’s one thing to say we want to love our bodies and another to put a plan into action. For change to happen, you need to experience feeling different.