Some women don’t care very much about Valentine’s Day—they get so much love and attention on a frequent basis by their husband that they don’t need a special day. Just like any woman, they like to be remembered but, in this case, feel so filled up that it’s no big deal if he forgets or gets a last-minute card.
Many women on the other hand don’t get this type of appreciation all year-round and are therefore not getting what they need, so Valentine’s Day becomes there “only chance” to feel special, loved and cared about.
So in honor of Valentine’s Day, here are seven ways you can feel loved, even if your husband isn’t Mr. Romantic:
1. Take care of your own needs. Don’t wait to be loved by your spouse. Love and care for yourself. You have many jobs and wear many hats. You keep doing and doing and doing. Regular candlelit bubble baths, time with “the girls,” quiet time alone are all ways for taking care of your self-nurturing needs.
2. Remind yourself what your commitment to your marriage means to you. This is a little tricky. Should you be committed to your spouse or should you be committed to your rmarriage? If you are committed to your husband and he forgets to be the loving guy he started out as, there goes your commitment. But if you decide to be committed to the marriage, when he does forget Valentine’s Day, remind yourself it’s just him being human and let him off the hook.
3. Communicate openly and honestly. It’s the basis of any healthy relationship. If you don’t know how to do it, find out. Don’t walk around feeling unheard and resentful so that a forgotten Valentine is such a big deal.
4. Maintain connection. Don’t let the busyness of life interfere with the emotional connection you have with your spouse. When life interferes, don’t let too much time go by before you make an effort to re-connect. Spend quality time together—talking, walking, lying in bed on a rainy afternoon reading or doing crossword puzzles.
5. Express appreciation. Even for the small things. It’s hard to resist being appreciated. It makes you want to do more for the person who appreciates you so well. You can even appreciate your spouse for something as mundane as taking out the garbage and picking up some milk on the way home from work.
6. Decide what’s really important. Try stepping back and surveying the last couple of months. Has he been there for you in all the important ways? If he has and you are committed to your relationship, consider telling him that although you’re a little disappointed, you think he’s still a great husband. You can’t imagine how happy it will make him to be let off the hook!
7. Take responsibility. This is always the hardest thing to do. You feel a little victimy because you work hard and try to make a happy relationship—and he goes and doesn’t make the kind of event out of Valentine’s Day that you’d like or he just flat out forgets. How could you have anything to do with this? Be willing to ask yourself how not if you do—not to excuse him but rather to look at the whole picture and see what your part might be, so maybe next year Valentine’s Day will be different.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Maia Berens
Maia Berens helps women overcome their blocks to their own growth. Her self-coaching, group and private coaching provides women with the safety to change their lives. For more articles and information visit www.maiaberens.com.
