My husband and I have been together 11 years. I have offered to watch pornos with him, but he would rather do it without me. Why? Is it me? All he does is lie to me about it and I’ve asked him to be honest with me. I’m not sure how I feel about porn, but I was willing to try and he pushes me away like he doesn’t love me. I don’t know what to do!
Pornography is a common part of the private lives of many couples and individuals and can be a great tool for couples to improve intimacy, if introduced into a relationship correctly. Men, more so than women, are predisposed to being drawn to pornography because they derive more enjoyment from visual stimulation, but that’s not to say that they’re the only ones who enjoy some erotic movies here and there. In fact, it’s not uncommon for couples to make their own home movies for their own personal enjoyment.
People will watch pornography by themselves for a variety of reasons. Oftentimes they feel it takes away the pressure of having to perform, or is a fast way to relieve stress without having to spend time being intimate.
If you’re worried about the amount of pornography your partner watches, or wondering why they won’t let you watch it with them, here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself:
* Has your intimacy changed?
* Are you having less sex with your spouse?
* Have you noticed your partner becoming more aggressive, while being intimate?
If you feel that your spouse is slowly pulling away from being intimate with you and you suspect they aren’t telling you what they’re watching because it might be inappropriate, you should consider going to get help together. Sitting down to discuss this with one other is the first step towards understanding why your partner favors pornography and how the two of you can improve your intimacy moving forward. Allowing a problem like this to fester has the potential to ruin a marriage.
No matter what, there is a reason for your partner’s actions, and if it’s having a negative impact on your sex life you have the right to an explanation.
I have to applaud anyone who is willing to address what can be a very difficult subject to discuss. By wanting to talk about pornography and its impact on your intimacy means that you’re confident enough in your relationship to ask the tough questions and work to make it the best partnership it can possibly be. For this, or any other issues pertaining to your intimacy and relationship, don’t ever be afraid to rope in a counselor—they can help you address tough questions like these without becoming confrontational.
Patty Brisben
Patty Brisben is a sex expert and the founder of Pure Romance. She is a highly noted and frequently-called-upon expert in the fields of women's intimacy and relationships, as well sexual health education and awareness. Read more from her blog at pattybrisben.wordpress.com
