Tag: change

If you google "habit change," you will find articles that provide anywhere from 7 to 29 ways to implement new behavior. There is even a pretty intense flow chart on How to Change a Habit by Charles Duhigg. It’s overwhelming to think about making any life changes, especially when there are 29 ways to do it. It doesn’t have to be that complicated, in fact it’s not. By following only four specific rules for habit change it’s possible to achieve your goals.

Why you should change yourself instead of your spouse?

Change is hard for a lot of people. When you look at your relationship, I am sure you can see a lot of things our spouse needs to change, but what about you? What do you need to change to have a healthier and more conscious relationship with your spouse?

One thing you may not realize is the only thing you have control over in a conversation is your 50 percent of it. What are you bringing to the discussion? How are you behaving or reacting to things? How are these things impacting the relationship with your spouse?

The effort required really isn’t very much. It’s the energy that matches what you want that has to be exact.

If I bring you love, if I bring you peace, if I’m grateful for what you’ve done and are doing, will that help? If I’m empathetic to your concerns and opinions, if I value what you do, what you say, and who you are, won’t that also help? If I keep myself solid emotionally, while being patient with how you process and able to give you what you need, that also helps.

"Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”  ~ Heath Buckmaster

Lately when I am up in the middle of the night pondering (some might say ruminating) on the sea changes moving through my life, I remember that if I can’t change my mind, I can’t change anything else.

It’s ironic because often during the daylight hours, I am the instigator of change, the one leading the charge to shift the strategic initiatives of Good Clean Love, or the one haplessly leading a bevy of subcontractors in a new home construction.

It starts as a whirlwind romance; you’re swept off your feet by their charms and attention. They say everything you’ve ever wanted to hear, and fulfill the deeply specific craving for attention you’ve always needed. Then time goes on. The love struck compliments are replaced by snide jabs and staggering overreactions. You find your needs neglected or overridden. The caring and empathetic qualities you prized so deeply, are replaced by coldness you never thought possible.

It's normal to resist change, whether it comes knocking unannounced or when it rests as a looming feeling deep within us, nudging us towards growth. Most people don’t accept change easily, ironically, even when we have been begging the cosmos for change for years. The idea of "better" can be far more appealing than the reality of shifting your life and leaving things behind to actualize this "better" life you dream of.

Understandably, we get very comfortable with what we know. It could be a relationship, a job, a move, our weight, hair style, etc.

Whilst sitting under an apple tree, upon seeing a falling apple, the renowned physicist Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity. Newton’s mindset was the opposite to worry: in fact, he “was in contemplative mood."

History repeatedly proves to us that when problem-solving—people are most creative, innovative, resourceful, and able to find remedies and groundbreaking inventions—when relaxed and in a peaceful, meditative frame of mind. Despite that one only needs to look at their life to acknowledge that worrying is a waste of precious energy, nonetheless you probably still habitually worry.