The effort required really isn’t very much. It’s the energy that matches what you want that has to be exact.
If I bring you love, if I bring you peace, if I’m grateful for what you’ve done and are doing, will that help? If I’m empathetic to your concerns and opinions, if I value what you do, what you say, and who you are, won’t that also help? If I keep myself solid emotionally, while being patient with how you process and able to give you what you need, that also helps.
With minimal effort I can be trustworthy, kind, considerate of your feelings, and genuinely grateful for what you do and have done.
With every little effort I can listen, and wait to speak more thoughtfully.
* I don’t have to avoid you.
* I don’t need to fight and argue.
* I don’t’ have to be submissive because you’re angry.
Can’t I be happy that we’re together? Happy that I’m doing something to make things better? Happy that possibility still exists? Happy that with the changes I’m making in myself and how I respond differently to you?
I can be happy because I want to be, and focus on all the reasons and evidence that exists in my life that’s good. I don’t have to put you down or criticize you, or complain to all my friends and family about you. I can be more reasonable when we talk. I don’t have to point out everything you’ve done wrong, even though I’m perfect and always right.
I can help us more than I am. I can be a good reason to stay together, and a good reason to believe that much better days are ahead. I can love you better than I am. And I don’t have to wait for you to change to do that.
If I care at all for you, I can show you I do because life is a fragile thing, and I’m not ready to lose you. And I can get help, because I may not have the knowledge or understanding to do this as fully as I want to.
I can admit I don’t have all the answers for us while I do a little better at loving you, and making you feel that I value you in my life. Thank you for having this talk with me because I needed perspective. And that’s always a good thing.
Now I can choose differently so we have a real chance at happiness together.
I’m eager to get rid of some stress and I know you are too. I can even read this to myself again, and anytime I lose sight of what I want with you.
Jeff Forte
Jeff Forte CSIC, CME author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle" and founder of PEAK Results Coaching is an Executive and Peak Performance Coach specializing in team and relationship dynamics. His clients include Fortune 500 Executives, Business Professionals, Attorneys, Surgeons, Professional Athletes, Teams and Couples. For more information visit 90MinuteMarriageMiracle.com.
