High levels of intimacy are the most fulfilling aspects of any marriage. Unfortunately, intimacy is also one of the first things that fades away for many couples. What replaces intimacy are feelings of sadness, resentment and loneliness.
Intimacy is the actualized aliveness of love in the relationship. It demonstrates deep caring. Without it partners will feel empty and neglected.
These are my eight elements of intimacy:
* Affection and physical touch
* Feelings of closeness, connection and togetherness
* Warmth and tenderness towards each other
* Sensuality and sexual activity
* Deep conversations, feeling understood and valued
* Presence, compassion and empathy
* Playful banter, lightness and laughter
* Safety, comfort and trust
You cannot talk your way into higher levels of intimacy.
Behavioral changes are the only way that intimacy is restored. You must feel safe to be yourself in order for true intimacy to exist. People sometimes rationalize that it’s ok to not have the feelings of being “in love” with their partner any more. They might love them, but no longer feel “in love.” They settle into an unhappy and unfulfilling love life.
These 8 elements of intimacy create the feelings of being “in love.”
And if you think back to a time when you felt head-over-heels in love, you will recognize these elements were a normal part of your interactions with your partner.
So how do you restore intimacy in your marriage? It’s not as difficult as you might think.
It can begin to re-appear as quickly as you can do these things:
* Be kind to each other
* Value and appreciate each other
* Accept each other’s perspectives and opinions
* Honor each other’s admirable qualities
* Give freely without expecting something in return
* Be willing to go first to initiate repair of any situation
* Softly ask for your partners’ help to improve your marriage
This is how an unhappy marriage can begin to get better. All that matters initially is what YOU are willing to do about it. You could be the catalyst for the complete transformation of your marriage.
Jeff Forte
Jeff Forte CSIC, CME author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle" and founder of PEAK Results Coaching is an Executive and Peak Performance Coach specializing in team and relationship dynamics. His clients include Fortune 500 Executives, Business Professionals, Attorneys, Surgeons, Professional Athletes, Teams and Couples. For more information visit 90MinuteMarriageMiracle.com.
