Disengagement from life breeds boredom. The antidote? A couple needs to engage in life in order to avoid boredom with each other, by doing the following:
1. Stay interested in life and in your own personal growth. Read books, meet new people, get involved in a group. Don’t ever think you’re too old to keep learning and growing. As long as you’re on this planet there is room for growth.
2. Remember the purpose of your life. What are your gifts and how can you best use them? Look into different spiritual practices so you can explore the meaning of life and your life in particular. Whatever your particular gift is, there is a place for it in this world.
3. Stay connected with your spouse while giving each other the space for other pursuits. As you and your husband or wife pursue your passions, talk to each other about what you’re learning and feeling. We can learn a lot from each other and it makes for interesting dialogue.
4. Follow your passions and live your dreams! Take your passions seriously and know that it’s possible to make your wildest dreams come true. Talk about these dreams with your spouse and brainstorm how to make them real.
5. Adapt to change and continue to learn new things. Keep an open mind and heart to learn new things and think outside the box. Don’t get too rigid in your beliefs because then it’s hard to let in new thoughts and ideas. Without new thoughts and ideas, it’s hard to grow and change.
6. Create a support system with your spouse. Be each other’s cheerleader… encourage your spouse to try new things. So many couples are threatened when their partner wants to try something new. Encourage new ventures because the happier your spouse is, the happier he/she will be in the relationship because they feel supported. Create mutual admiration with your spouse. Appreciate your differences!
7. Share your dreams and visions with your spouse so you can help and encourage each other’s fulfillment. This will keep the spark alive! People who feel fulfilled and encouraged are less likely to get bored. When we’re nurturing ourselves and getting nurtured by our partners, we seem to have more positive energy and more interest in everything around us.
So, in order to avoid boredom, first look at yourself and what you’re not doing with your life, and share this information with your husband or wife, and have them do the same. That conversation will immediately evoke curiosity and interest, and hopefully the catalyst to start living your life so boredom never becomes an issue in your marriage.
Sharon M. Rivkin
Also known as the "last ditch effort therapist," Sharon M. Rivkin, therapist and conflict resolution/affairs expert, is the author of "Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy" and developer of the First Argument Technique, a 3-step system that helps couples fix their relationships and understand why they fight. Her work has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Reader's Digest, Time.com, Yahoo!News.com, WebMD.com, and DrLaura.com. Sharon has appeared on TV, was quoted on The Insider TV show, and makes regular radio appearances nationwide. She has also appeared on Martha Stewart Whole Living Radio and makes regular radio appearances nationwide. For more information, please visit her website at www.sharonrivkin.com.
