Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Santa pawned his sleigh…
It looks like Jolly Old Saint Nick may be riding bareback on Rudolph the 25th with his bag of goodies. For many families, Christmas may just not be the same this year, and the cutbacks have certainly reached the North Pole. As a parent, you may be facing the fact that you just can’t spend as much this year. And, because of the current financial circumstances, I can only imagine that there are going to be a number of parents feeling guilt, failure, sadness and worthlessness because of their inability to come through.
So how can you, as a parent who loves your child, spend less on Santa, one of the most altruistic and generous icons of our culture? What will your child feel when they wake up on Christmas morning and look under the tree only to find that Santa has “cheapened out” on them? What’s up with that? Santa has unlimited income, doesn’t he?
The Culture of Christmas
So, why do our kids need so much at Christmas? Since this holiday is dedicated to the birth of the “son of God,” is this what was really intended? I think not.
Here is the problem: our culture has spent a lot of time, money and public relations building up the image of the almighty man in the red suit, and once we back ourselves in a corner and start a tradition, we often feel that we have to keep up with it, even if it doesn’t make sense. As a result, many parents feel obligated to give until it hurts. Many of you may, at this point, be cursing this tradition as you are wondering whether to pay the electric bill or purchase the latest game system to put under the tree.
Teaching your kids responsible spending, even if it’s from Santa Claus, is probably the better angle to take. Is it a good idea to go into more debt to buy more happiness? I don’t think anyone would agree with that.
The Santa Talk
So how do you talk to your child about this very delicate situation and explain that Santa Claus will not be spending as much this year? What I would suggest is that you start by adding a significant prefix to Santa. This prefix is “The Spirit of.” The reason is that this starts to explain the true idea behind Santa, who was born out of the intention to teach the gift of giving, not the gift of getting. Personally, I teach my daughter that the Spirit of Santa lives in everyone.
As you and your spouse talk to your child, you can explain that in recent years mommy and daddy have realized that everyone has slowly forgotten the meaning behind Christmas. You can back this up by telling them that the family has not been spending as much money on everyday items, which means there won’t be as much spent on Christmas this year. They might notice that other kids are getting more from Santa when they are getting less, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t made good choices. The decision to spend less was made between you and your spouse. If they feel upset that others get more from Santa, you and your spouse must understand that things like this will happen, but must also explain that it’s not a reflection on them.
The next issue is for you and your spouse to help your kids understand their expectations of what they will get by looking through a list of wants. If they are going to visit Santa, have them limit their lists to a few “realistic” items. I believe that having an endless list of wants they can dream about only to find that they get nothing on that list leads to disappointment, sadness and bad memories.
Talk to your kid’s about what you want them to learn from the holiday. Let them know that you want to focus more on what you all have rather then what they will get. You also want to talk about how you have learned that happiness doesn’t lie in how much you get or what you have, it lies inside of us. You may want to then encourage your kids to develop a season of giving and see how you can help others in inexpensive ways.
Here are a few ideas to go about it:
* Each day leading up to Christmas, go around the dinner table and have everyone say
something they feel gratitude for.
* Each person in the family makes a present for someone else in the family with a dollar
limit.
* Perhaps even consider contacting The Division of Family and Children Services to help provide Xmas for a child in foster care.
* As a family, make cookies, a meal or something nice for someone or a family who is
having challenges.
* Try to get a group together to sing at a retirement home.
The goal is to change the focus to what they can give and have them find happiness in sharing with others. Start a new tradition this year that may carry on for generations, and let the “Spirit of Santa” fill your heart instead of your stocking. I would ask you, your spouse and your kids to consider this: Ask not what Christmas can do for you, but what can you do for Christmas.
Erik Fisher, PhD
Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E…, is a licensed psychologist and author of two books whose work has been featured NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at www.DrEPresents.com to learn more about his new show, Off The Couch with Dr. E… .
