Tag: fear

I have seven adopted kids. Our family is a hodge-podge of culture, diversity, and challenge. Sometimes, I’m close to pulling my hair out, but if I’m honest, I love it.

One thing I don’t love, however. Cancer.

I work as a hospice chaplain and grief counselor. I interact with cancer in some way almost every day. Then one day, things got personal.

During a routine dental cleaning, our hygienist noticed a small abnormality in our 15 year-old son's palate. The dentist got involved, and then a periodontist. Less than a week later, we were in the oral surgeon's office having multiple biopsies.

Mary and Pete saved every penny for retirement. They never went on vacations, they rarely went out to eat, and they lived a frugal lifestyle secure in the knowledge that when they retired, they would be able to live comfortably.

In short, they worried so much about retirement that they forgot to experience all that life has to offer.

Seeing those bright red cards and shiny hearts when I just finished celebrating New Year’s causes me stress, which can lead to anxiety, and then fear…yes, fear! After all, Christmas and New Year’s have barely ended, and I’m already pressured into thinking about creating yet another perfect day, which I may not do right (causing stress), which may cause hurt feelings (causing anxiety) and which could possibly lead to a fight about our relationship (causing fear that our day will be ruined by dredging up old, unresolved issues)!

Our society has sold us a lot of expectations around Valentine’s Day. You’re supposed to be and feel loving.

The true heart of all human beings is the lover of what is.” ~ Adyashanti

This quote has stayed with me for days as I continue to wrestle with reality. All around me change is happening at a pace that makes me feel like I am on the run. Forget about managing it, I am barely keeping pace.

I know I am not alone in this experience of being overwhelmed by change. And I don’t think it’s a phenomenon of my trying to hang onto middle age that makes me resistant. Indeed, you could argue that I am responsible for many of the changes that are moving my life along a new trajectory.

Have you ever known that a situation wasn’t good for you, or that a change in a situation would result in something better, but still found yourself hesitant to make the change? If so, congratulations: you’re totally normal!

Humans are hardwired against change. According to evolutionary psychology, human beings are wired to act in ways that keep us safe and increase our chances of survival. This served us very well while we were living in caves and running from mountain lions, and it probably still comes in handy when we find ourselves out in an alley at 4:00 in the morning.

You’ve been going along, happy as can be with your marriage. Then, in an instance, one single phrase meets lips, "I got fired."

It’s a scary place. You ask yourself, "Will our marriage weather this financial storm? What if we start arguing about money morning-noon-night?! I hate arguing! What if the stress of it all tears the two of us apart?"

Caught in the maelstrom of these fears, you’re either paralyzed or make poor decisions. You do nothing—which guarantees you’ll be broke and desperate in short order, or you take the first job that comes along. A job you hate

Fear. It’s the four-letter word that infiltrates our families, our job market and even our economy. And while few of us enjoy fear, it is actually a very powerful and beneficial emotion. Why? Fear shows us that we need protection and it outlines a coming threat—be it real or imagined. The challenge with fear is knowing when it is necessary to command our attention and what to do when we feel it. Today, the most common fear felt by most married couples probably has something to do with money.

Many parents and families are now facing the consequences of overspending; not just on necessary household items or fun luxuries, but monthly bills.