Identify theft is real, and it is awful. But there is a worse thief that lurks in the secret recesses of our private thoughts. And that person is called, the “Joy Thief.”
Negativity is the name of the “Joy Thief’s” game, and it is a deadly one.
The Joy Thief, when allowed into our hearts, can ruin the best of marriages—the joy that is our natural birthright, whether it come from the beauty of a sunset, the glow of pride from a job well done or the warmth of a smile. All these pale and turn cold when negativity overwhelms our lives.
Negativity, in its place, is healthy and helpful to an aware life. Negativity is what makes us ask questions, look twice at things, weigh the evidence and take precautions in our own best interest. Negativity becomes the Joy Thief’s game when it takes over the majority of your thoughts and feelings. At that point it loses its value as an “approach with caution” helper, and turns into a “don’t/can’t/won’t do/be anything right” hinderer!
So handling negativity appropriately doesn’t mean pushing all negativity out of your life forever, it means learning how to use negativity so it contributes positively to your life.
For example, the negative thought that your spouse is spending an awful lot of late nights at the office can be a beneficial wake-up call, an opportunity to look at the present quality of your relationship. Are you expressing appreciation to your spouse for the goodness he/she brings to your life on an ongoing basis? Are you communicating your interest in his/her work? Do you set time aside to be together simply to talk, share your thoughts and dream future goals? Or has your marriage devolved into what the Parisians call “metro-boulot-dodo” as in “freeway-work-sleep?”
Allowing negative thoughts of too-many-late-nights to overwhelm your thoughts and feelings however, has a very different effect. The Joy Thief is then on a rampage, easily plunging you into depression or paranoia. You think your spouse must be having an affair or at the very least has lost interest in your marriage. You can think of nothing else, and wrapping yourself in your misery, turn to unhealthy behaviors. Your fights turn nasty and bitter. Your marriage then takes a downward turn as you fulfill your own dire prophecy.
Don’t let the Joy Thief steal your happiness! Keep negativity in perspective, as a warning, a motivator, a catalyst for change; and free yourself to enjoy a healthy marriage blessed with the love you so richly deserve.
Dr. Noelle Nelson
Through her years as a psychologist, author and seminar leader, Dr. Noelle Nelson has empowered countless individuals to be happier, healthier and more successful at work, at home and in relationships.
Dr. Nelson shares her proactive and positive outlook in all her books, articles, interviews, seminars and consulting practice. Her books include Dangerous Relationships: How to Identify and Respond to the Seven Warning Signs of a Troubled Relationship(Amazon), which established her as a relationship expert. Her latest book, Phoenix Rising - Surviving Catastrophic Loss: Fires, Floods, Hurricanes and Tornadoes (Amazon), explores the trauma of losing a lifetime of possessions in a disaster, how to survive the immediate aftermath and how to find the strength to start anew.
Born in Manhattan to a French mother and an American dad, Dr. Nelson, at the ripe old age of six months, came to Southern California where she currently resides. Travel is a cherished pastime, which Dr. Nelson enjoys whenever her schedule permits. Other interests include voracious reading (mysteries and historical fiction are favorites) and ballroom dancing (she competes all around the country).
Dr. Nelson holds advanced degrees in clinical psychology from the United States International University (M.A., Ph.D.), and sociology degrees from the University of California at Los Angeles (B.A.) and the Sorbonne, Paris (Maitrise, Doctorat 3eme Cycle). She is a licensed clinical psychologist.
Listen to her twice-monthly podcast “Up! Uplifting, Inspiring, Practical” on Spotify, Google Podcasts and on YouTube. www.noellenelson.com, @drnoellenelson, https://www.facebook.com/MeetTheAmazings
